It has been some time since I have had anything milling through the ol’ brain that was share-worthy but I noticed I had been triggered a bunch this past week and felt this was a good “place” to go to. I realized when I had initially gone back to work I chose a safe way to do so, I joined a group practice and had much anonymity in terms of having to interact with colleagues. Each clinician had their own schedule and their own key to the office. This was good because small talk was to a minimum. I realize that because I spent November 2013-April 2014 pregnant, thereafter managing the trauma of the loss, I am not the best a light passing conversation without seeming cagey. Now, that I am back in a full time work environment, small talk is hard to avoid. Also, working predominantly with women, conversations surrounding children, or past pregnancies are rampant. I find myself riddled when I want to share or chime in on a pregnancy story or woe, because inevitably the dreaded question of “how old is your child” will come up and then the reply becomes another challenge. Especially in a profession where “careful self-disclosure” is something discussed often. Luckily I had to let the cat out of the bag early when I was asked if I would be interested in facilitating a parenting group. My knee-jerk reaction was “yes” being the people-pleaser that I am, but then after ruminating in my office, I spoke with my colleague about how I am not the best candidate to run that group at this time. It’s all a challenge when you’re in the “feelings” business and not knowing how to navigate your own. Til next time.
Ironically I will now share this on facebook. Oh, modern times.