So, it has been over 2 months since the loss of our little one. Time seems at a standstill in some ways as I haven’t yet gotten back into a work dictated routine, which has structured my feeling of feelings for years now. As these (feelings) are allowed to come and go freely, as was discussed between my therapist and I yesterday that my “job” right now is to take care of myself, I feel less stress and pressure. This leaves the sad and the happy in its’ truest form (and everything in between). It’s not diluted or altered by any other stimulus. This is a privilege and I acknowledge that. I find myself saying that I need to get back to work and realize when I say that, that I mean I need to go back to taking care of others instead of feeling the range of emotion that is necessary to heal. Of course I realize the practicality of paying bills, contributing to society and not to mention I do love what I do.
I want to thank Anders for pointing out a long overdue need.In pregnancy he required rest for both him and I which I had been lacking in and in his passing has offered me the gift of discovering what it is I truly need to do to take of long overdue issues so that I can be a Mom. Not only to myself but to who could be my future child.
herecomestherush 
Amanda, I admire you so much for being strong enough to care for yourself instead of escaping into what we do. I still remember classes with you fondly and how happy I was when you came to work at our company. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.