I woke up at 3AM with memories of the day when we found out we were losing Anders. Most vivid was when my water broke while waiting for my car that had been valet parked at Yale annnnnnd they lost my car. Marc waited in his found car, so that I could follow him home in case anything happened. The humility of standing there, waiting for my car, soaked, scared, praying I would make it through the night without laboring the baby. That is a moment I will never forget. I waited one hour, contractions every 5 minutes and no protection for this baby through the night. I tend to fall on the anxious side and the unknown is the anxious persons worst enemy. I came to be familiar with the unknown in this pregnancy, so I am inspired to make peace with it. It’s just a notion anyway. Anders will live with me in those moments where my heart is racing, the thoughts are whirring and remind me to breathe and recognize that it’s OK to let go and let what will be, be.